100 Hilariously Funny Percy Jackson Quotes, Novel by Rick Riordan

quotes from percy jackson

If you like the Harry Potter series, you would also like Percy Jackson & the Olympians series.

There are five books in this series, the Lightning Thief, the Sea of Monsters, the Titan’s Curse, the Battle of the Labyrinth, and the Last Olympian.

They are written by an American writer, Rick Riordan, and have been sold over 45 million copies worldwide.

funny percy jackson quotes

In this article, I’m going to talk about the first book of the series, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief.

This book tells us how Percy, the main character, knows he is not an ordinary kid.

He is a son of one of the strongest gods in the Olympic, Poseidon. I bet you guys already familiar with this book.

Percy Jackson Book

Percy Jackson was a troubled kid in his school. He was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD, but good at Latin and Greek history.

On a school trip to a museum, he was attacked by his teacher who turned out to be a monster.

This attack caused a mess and made him expelled from school.

On a trip to a beach with his mom, Percy got another attack that killed his mother.

He ended up in a demigod safe-camp. A demigod is a person half god and half human.

There, he knew he was a son of Poseidon. He also knew he was strong.

Adventures came when Percy is assigned to find Zeus’s master lightning bolt. He must fight against monsters and even gods.

Why Should Read Percy Jackson

This book is full of adventures. The story is also interesting with a lot of information about Greek mythology.

Since it is a young adult book, the language used is simple and also easy to understand.

Once you read the first book, you’d never stop until the fifth book. What are you waiting for? Go give it a try!

Percy Jackson Quotes

Percy jackson and the lightning thief quotes

If you’re reading this because you think you might be [a half-blood], my advice is: close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.

Being a half-blood is dangerous. It’s scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.

I wondered how she could say that. What was so great about me? A dyslexic, hyperactive boy with a D+ report card, kicked out of school for the sixth time in six years.

Don’t you get it, Percy? You are home. This is the only safe place on earth for kids like us. I mean not human. Not totally human, anyway. Half-human. Half-god. Your father isn’t dead, Percy. He’s one of the Olympians.

What will people think of your ‘science’ two thousand years from now? Hmm? They will call it primitive mumbo jumbo. That’s what. Oh, I love mortals—they have absolutely no sense of perspective. They think they’ve come so-o-o far.

The only thing I really excelled at was canoeing, and that wasn’t the kind of heroic skill people expected to see from the kid who had beaten the Minotaur.

There was no way I was going to remember the difference between Chiron and Charon, or Polydictes and Polydeuces.

What I didn’t tell them was that I’d have to get a summer job walking dogs or selling magazine subscriptions, and spend my free time worrying about where I’d go to school in the fall.

I started to understand Luke’s bitterness and how he seemed to resent his father, Hermes. So, okay, maybe gods had important things to do. But couldn’t they call once in a while, or thunder, or something

Even here in the Underworld, everybody—even monsters—needed a little attention once in awhile.

When she looks at me, it’s like she’s seeing all the good things about me, none of the bad. I’ve never heard her raise her voice or say an unkind word to anyone, not even me or Gabe.

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My mother was gone. The whole world should be black and cold. Nothing should look beautiful.

I felt so relieved, I wanted to cry, though I didn’t think that would be very heroic. Grover was the only friend I’d ever had for longer than a few months. I wasn’t sure what good a satyr could do against the forces of the dead, but I felt better knowing he’d be with me.

Your mom stayed with him to protect you. She was a smart lady. She must’ve loved you a lot to put up with that guy—if that makes you feel any better.

The truth was I didn’t care about retrieving Zeus’s lightning bolt, or saving the world, or even helping my father out of trouble. All I cared about was my mom. Hades had taken her unfairly, and Hades was going to give her back.

Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course, being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan’s stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe, and scattered his remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld.

What you may not know is that great powers are at work in your life. Gods—the forces you call the Greek gods—are very much alive.

What’s the most common thing gods did in the old stories? They ran around falling in love with humans and having kids with them. Do you think they’ve changed their habits in the last few millennia?

Percy jackson sea of monsters quotes

Families are messy. Immortal families are eternally messy. Sometimes the best we can do is to remind each other that we’re related for better or for worse…and try to keep the maiming and killing to a minimum

[My mom’s] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it’s her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.

Hermes gazed up at the stars. ‘My dear young cousin, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the eons, it’s that you can’t give up on your family, no matter how tempting they make it. It doesn’t matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don’t appreciate your genius for inventing the Internet–

I told Tantalus to go chase a doughnut.

I couldn’t believe I’d come this far, lost Tyson, suffered through so much, only to fail – stopped by a big stupid monster in a baby-blue tuxedo kilt. Nobody was going to swat down my friends like that! I mean…nobody, not Nobody. Ah, you know what I mean.

Mythologically speaking, if there’s anything I hate worse than trios of old ladies, it’s bulls. Last summer, I fought the Minotaur on top of Half-Blood Hill. This time what I saw up there was even worse: two bulls. And not just regular bulls – bronze ones the size of elephants. And even that wasn’t bad enough. Naturally they had to breathe fire, too.

Ever come home and found your room messed up? Like some helpful person (hi, Mom) has tried to “clean” it, and suddenly you can’t find anything? And even if nothing is missing, you get that creepy feeling like somebody’s been looking through your private stuff and dusting everything with lemon furniture polish?

I’ve met plenty of embarrassing parents, but Kronos, the evil Titan Lord who wanted to destroy Western Civilization? Not the kind of dad you invited to school for Career Day

percy jackson and the lightning thief quotes

He’d changed since the last summer. Instead of Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt, he wore a button-down shirt, khaki pants, and leather loafers. His sandy hair, which used to be so unruly, was now clipped short. He look like an evil male model, showing off what the fashionable college-age villain was wearing to Harvard this year.

That was so completely unfair that I told Tantalus to go chase a donut, which didn’t help his mood.

Thalia had been turned into a pine tree when she was 12. Me… well, i was doing my best not to follow her example. I had nightmares about what Poseidon might turn me into if i were ever in the verge of death—plankton, maybe. Or a floating patch of kelp.

I figured you would wash up near Miami if you made it out of the Sea of Monsters alive. Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.

In case you’re wondering, the underside of a sheep doesn’t smell that great. Imagine a winter sweater that’s been dragged through the mud and left in the laundry hamper for a week. Something like that.

We only came close to dying six or seven times which I thought was pretty good. A minute later Annabeth hit a slippery patch of moss and her foot slipped. Fortunately she found something else to put it against. Unfortunately that something was my face.

What good is one lousy hero’? Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain said something like that to me once, just before he single-handedly changed the course of your Civil War.

i remembered the myth about Andromeda and how she had been chained to a rock by her own parents as a sacrifice to a sea monster. Maybe she’d gotten too many F’s on her report card or something.

Curse Hermes and his multi-vitamins!

I guess it wasn’t everyday they see a yellow lifeboat with no engine going a hundred knots an hour, manned by three kids.

I pressed PLAY and started up Chiron’s favorite–the All-Time Greatest Hits of Dean Martin. Suddenly the air was filled with violins and a bunch of guys moaning in Italian. The demon pigeons went nuts. They started flying in circles, running into each other like they wanted to bash their own brains out.

Quotes from percy jackson the titan’s curse

Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it’s a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.

The cafe windows wrapped all the way around the observation floor, which gave us a beautiful panoramic view of the skeleton army that had come to kill us.

She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades’s gym shorts.

Do you always try to kill people when they blow their nose?

Looking up in the sky, I saw the stars were brighter now. They made a pattern I had never noticed before- a gleaming constellation that looked a lot like a girls figure- a girl with a bow, running across the sky. Let the world honor you, my Huntress. Live forever in the stars.

The wind blowing through my ripped clothes was so cold that I felt like a Percysicle.

He gave me the brochure. It was about the Hunters of Artemis. The front read, A WISE CHOICE FOR YOUR FUTURE! Inside were pictures of young maidens doing hunter stuff, chasing monsters, shooting bows. There were captions like: HEALTH BENEFITS: IMMORTALITY AND WHAT IT MEANS FOR YOU! and A BOY-FREE TOMORROW!

Tyson thought Annabeth was just about the coolest thing since peanut butter, and he SERIOUSLY loved peanut butter.

Nereus spun and expanded, turning into a killer whale, but I grabbed his dorsal fin as he burst out of the water. A whole bunch of tourists went, “Whoa!” I managed to wave at the crowd. Yeah, we do this every day here in San Francisco.

“There!” Apollo pointed. “Long Island, dead ahead. Let’s slow down, dear. ‘Dead’ is only an expression.”

I uncapped the blade, flung open the door, and found myself face-to-face with a black pegasus. Whoa, boss! Its voice spoke in my mind as it clopped away from the sword blade. I don’t wanna be a horse-ke-bob!

 

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If there were ever any half-bloods who needed to worry about that, it was Thalia and me. I wondered if maybe I should’ve sent Poseidon that seashell pattern tie for Father’s Day after all.

There are parties and then there are huge major blowout parties. And then there are Olympian parties. If you ever get a choice go for the Olympian.

If you look at it from any other side, it looks like a pile of enormous deer droppings, but Chiron wouldn’t let us call the place the Poop Pile, especially after it had been named for Zeus, who doesn’t have much of a sense of humor.

If my mom told one more story about how cute I looked in the bathtub when I was three years old I was going to burrow into the snow and freeze myself to death.

I should throw you off this building minus the flying horse and see how heroic you sound on the way down.

I hoped I wasn’t blushing. It was bad enough I had to depend on my mom to drive me to my battles.

Grover started to sniffle and I figured if I didn’t cheer him up he’d either start bawling or chewing up my mattress. He tends to eat household objects whenever he gets upset.

Percy jackson battle of the labyrinth quotes

Be careful of love. It’ll twist your brain around and leave you thinking up is down and right is wrong.

People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can’t be fixed.

You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.

Jumping out a window five hundred feet above ground is not usually my idea of fun. Especially when I’m wearing bronze wings and flapping my arms like a duck.

Getting something and having the wits to use it…those are two different things.

When I got across, I looked back and saw Tyson giving Grover a piggyback ride (or was it a goatyback ride?).

He dropped his broom and ran at me. If you’ve never been charged by an enthusiastic Cyclops wearing a flowered apron and rubber cleaning gloves, I’m telling you, it’ll wake you up quick.

OPEN WITH CARE. TRIPPLE G RANCH IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR PROPERTY DAMAGE, MAIMING, OR EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL DEATHS.

We’d spent maybe ten minutes together, during which time I’d accidentally swung a sword at her, she’d saved my life, and I’d run away chased by a band of supernatural killing machines. You know, your typical chance meeting.

Don’t judge someone until you’ve stood at his forge and worked with his hammer, eh?

Percy, lesser beings do many horrible things in the name of the gods. That does not mean we gods approve. The way our sons and daughters act in our names… well, it usually says more about THEM than it does about us. well, it usually says more about them than it does about us. And you, Percy, are my favorite son.

best percy jackson quotes

I was aware of everything in the room. I felt like I could read the tiniest print on any book on the shelves. Annabeth’s hair smelled like lemon soap. She was shivering.

But remember, boy, that a kind act can sometimes be as powerful as a sword. As a mortal, I was never a great fighter or athlete or poet. I only made wine. The people in my village laughed at me. They said I would never amount to anything. Look at me now. Sometimes small things can become very large indeed

He just summoned the dead with coke and cheeseburgers

Annabeth glared at me like she was going to punch me. But she did something that surprised me even more… She kissed me.

Don’t decide yet, Wait until daybreak. Daybreak is a good time for decisions.

I love Greek Mythology, wish there was a TV series, like being human or smallville, but with the series based around Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Holla Mayne!

I looked into his eyes, and I realized he was the same man I’d seen in my dreams. His face might be totally different, but the same soul was in there, the same intelligence and all the sadness.

You hit the Lord of The Titans with a blue plastic hairbrush.

He had a crush on a blueberry bush once.

It isn’t easy being a brilliant inventor, always alone. Always misunderstood. Easy to turn bitter, make horrible mistakes. People are more difficult to work with than machines. And when you break a person, he can’t be fixed

Do not despair. Heroes rarely live up to to our expectations

Annabeth’s hand slipped into mine. Under different circumstances I would’ve been embarrassed, but here in the dark I was glad to know where she was. It was about the only thing I was sure of.

Percy jackson and the olympians quotes

With great power… comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

It’s hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.

The world was collapsing, and the only thing that really mattered to me was that she was alive.

I don’t recommend shadow travel if you’re scared of: a) The dark b) Cold shivers up your spine c) Strange noises d) Going so fast you feel like your face is peeling off; In other words, I thought it was awesome.

I found myself staring at her, which was stupid since I’d seen her a billion times. Still, she seemed so much more mature. It was kind of intimidating. I mean, sure, she’d always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful.

I felt like one of Apollo’s sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.

Everybody was patting Nico on the back, complimenting him on his fighting. Even the Ares kids thought he was pretty cool. Hey, show up with an army of undead warriors to save the day, and suddenly you’re everybody’s best friend.

Why do humans have to sway their arms while they walk? I dunno boss, but it just feels right.

The main courtyard was filled with warriors – mermen with fish tails from the waist down and human bodies from the waist up. Some were tending the wounded. Some were sharpening spears and swords. One passed us, swimming in a hurry. They don’t show you stuff like that in “The Little Mermaid.”

The last time I’d seen the Minotaur, he’d been wearing nothing but his tighty whities. I don’t know why. Maybe he’d been shaken out of bed to chase me.

Kronos would be 10 times more powerful. His very presence would incinerate you. And once he achieves this he will empower the other Titans. They are weak, compared to what they soon will become, unless you can stop them, the world will fall, the gods will die, and I will never achieve a perfect score on this stupid machine.

Different elevator music was playing since my last visit-that old disco song “Stayin’ Alive.” A terrifying image flashed through my mind of Apollo in bell-bottom pants and a slinky silk shirt.

Technically I wasn’t supposed to be driving because I wouldn’t turn sixteen for another week, but my mom and my stepdad, Paul, let us borrow his Prius for a short spin. He’s seen me slice up demons and leap out of exploding buildings, so he probably figured taking a car a few hundred yards wasn’t exactly the most dangerous thing I’d ever done.

I will deny I ever said this, of course, but the gods need heroes. They always have. Otherwise we would not keep you annoying little brats around.

When she kissed me, I had the feeling my brain was melting right through my body.

Percy Jackson Trivia/Interesting Fact

Percy Jackson has been adapted to film with the same title in 2012 starring Logan Lerman, Alexandra Daddario, and Pierce Brosnan. Have you watched them?

But if you want to know more about the greatness of Olympian gods, Percy Jackson’s series will give you what you’re looking for. Trust me!